Wind phones and Death Cafes provide healing from grief

“Hello sweetheart. I am so happy to be able to spend a little time with you. I am sure you are happy and healthy in your new home. I am on a bench just now looking out on our favorite view. Someone put a phone here, so I thought I would sit a while and talk to you.”

Marnie has spotted a Wind Phone and read the notice on its frame. It says “Dear one. This phone is for you. Please rest yourself, enjoy the view and talk to your loved one who has gone ahead. You are welcome here.”

What is a Wind Phone?

It is a telephone set out in a quiet area where people can spend some thoughtful time sending their messages to someone they love. It is connected only to the wind.

The idea is credited to Japanese garden designer Itaru Sasaki.  Originally built for his own use, the phone soon was made available to visitors.  The idea has caught on so well that there is probably one somewhere near your own neighbourhood. 

The Death Café.

About a year ago I discovered something called a Virtual Death Café. All over the world groups meet in person or online to share their experience/thoughts/feelings about the death or expected death of someone they hold dear.

In my online group recently, I did share some unresolved feelings I held in regard to my husband’s passing. I welcomed input from other participants. They were supportive, encouraging and uplifting and helped me put my feelings into perspective. They were wise, generous and kind. They spoke with the authority of experience.

Grief Groups.

Perhaps a more familiar resource is an in-person or online group where grievers can express the feelings they are experiencing at any stage of their grieving experience. Groups are available at hospice centres, places of worship and possibly more general locales like libraries and recreation centres.

Death Illiteracy and the Value of Community.

It may not be until we experience a devastating loss that we encounter how uninformed our society is about grief. I certainly had no framework to hang onto when I was faced with traumatic life events, especially the death of my husband. It seems to be a subject we don’t want to admit exists, yet each of us will be touched by it.

Perhaps it is because death is so institutionalized now in our science-oriented society. Hospitals and funeral homes take over the job that family and the village used to handle. Or perhaps it is because we are a ‘can-do’ society which values hard work and contribution. Perhaps death is considered a distraction from production and commerce. I don’t know.

What I do know from my own experience is that people who can come alongside us with grace and care are a treasure.

Community and Caring.

As grievers, caring friends, family, clergy, counsellors, grief groups, Death Cafes and Wind Phones help us express the inexpressible.

Supporting a griever is simple really. Just be there. It’s OK to sit in silence; let them talk about the event and air their feelings. There is nothing we need to say, no judgement to express. There may be small services we can provide, especially in the early stages.

Whether you are grieving or supporting a griever, coffee and conversation are important to promote healing.

Cathy Carphin is a Certified Grief Educator, writer and poet, living in Victoria, BC, Canada. You can connect with her for individual discussions by visiting her website  and contacting by email: [email protected]