There’s been a spring-summer air of romance in recent weeks, when I’ve noticed an increased number of couples walking hand in hand outdoors, laughing together, leaning into each other, and openly beaming with confidence.
That’s not so unusual when the weather matches peoples’ moods … yet what’s been evident about many of these beaming couples is the clear fact that so many of them are seniors.
We should not be surprised. The Statistics Canada higher older-age population estimates revealed on July 1, 2023, nearly 3.2 million seniors as follows:
• 75-79 years: 1,459,513
• 80-84 years: 918,411
• 85-89 years: 540,554
• 90-94 years: 266,869
Of course, not everyone in the estimated age groups is eager to marry again after past loss. Indeed, as one person said, “I had the best possible partner in my one and only marriage. I don’t need anyone else.”
Yet it’s hard not to recognize some senior couples’ evident delight in having found true connection in later years, often after what was previously heartbreaking times of loss.
Consider two separate and heartbreaking stories: one, about a woman who lost two different husbands over her married years, due to the men’s separate and serious illnesses.
The other describes a husband’s late wife who’d endured periods of repetitive and debilitating bouts of severe illness which she eventually couldn’t survive.
These sad losses of partners who were once essential in their lives, reflect the countless people who live with the shadow of loneliness until they, or a friend, or a grief counsellor helps them move forward from only focusing on their loss.
That’s when hope and some needed bravery can change the lonely life of a single senior.
I’ve written previously about sudden and debilitating grief and have interviewed those who’ve suffered deeply during their experience with emotional pain.
Grief presents a very difficult transition for many widowers and widows, including those wondering whether and how to re-adapt to the world of togetherness, romance and relationships.
Sometimes, people in those situations also have to deal with judgmental attitudes of “too soon” regarding new and untested relationships.
They may hear outright disapproval — a reaction of adult children and grandchildren, even nosy neighbours — of some new partners whom others consider inappropriate choices.
Unfortunately, a new partner feeling that disapproval may decide that the situation doesn’t really work well, especially if discussed amid negative opinions.
Yet, as an experienced psychotherapist told me, in response to the possibility of both female and male seniors’ loving again, “I see it everywhere … couples into their late 70s and late 80s.
“A lot still live in their own places, and several of them keep their homes and their independence, including sometimes staying involved solely with their friends and/or family. It’s a good message to their children.”
Beyond “finding” new relationships, there are also people who purposefully rekindle an old flame. I was told that it works better in some cases than others, especially when one person receives an unexpected outreach from a former love interest.
But there are no set patterns for the countless different ways that people, no matter their age, feel attracted to one another.
It may hearken far back to a former high school or college romance from which one of the two people had moved away to another city and started their first marriage.
Those long-ago relationships are now much more modern because senior couples fully recognize that they have lifestyle choices.
While some seniors live semi-independently, others make up a large number of those who travel together, if and when they can afford it, and especially in the colder winter months back home.
Many of these “snowbirds” form new friendships among those in similar relationships and attend events together, from seeing movies to fishing and golfing.
From the reports of the seniors themselves, it seems that the numbers of these older couples are increasing, because many of them have made the bold decision to be brave and “love again.”
Meantime, on my walks on sunny days, I’ve bumped into those hand-holding seniors, many of whom reflect and openly talk about their personal happiness, when a conversation ensues.
I’ve talked to some whom I’ve met and told them that I’m a writer and that their names would not be included in this article, as my interest was solely in their renewed elation.
After all, love is a special private matter, even if its beam of happiness is evident.
Ellie Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto.
