Dear Lisi: My best friend is a female; we met when she was a young girl at summer camp, and she’s now an amazing, beautiful woman. We both recently graduated university and have returned to our hometown to work side jobs before we start our careers.
We were also both planning on travelling (student-style) for a few months this winter before really digging our heels into our futures. She was supposed to travel with her on-again off-again boyfriend, while I was making plans with some guy friends. Last month, her boyfriend became a solid off-again when she caught him with an older woman.
I have been totally supportive to her and don’t want her to throw away her trip plans. I was thinking of asking her to join our group but didn’t think the other guys would agree, especially because we’re an even foursome. But just yesterday, one of the guys admitted to me that he’s thinking of bailing because he doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend that long.
Should I encourage him to stay with the group, or strongly suggest he leave and replace him with my bestie?
Travel Torn
Even better: why don’t you suggest he bring his girlfriend along – if not the whole time, then for some part of the trip – and your best friend can join, too. That’ll make the group into six. Also, the girls could share a room to help with the cost. The couple will be able to find time to be alone, even if they’re in separate rooms.
That’s a win-win for everyone – everyone still gets to travel, no one has to miss their partner, and no one loses out.
Dear Lisi: My husband and I used to spend hours cuddled up on the couch watching episodes of whatever show we were into at the time. Now he’s only into watching live sports and I’m not interested in that at all.
How can we get back to where we were?
Cut off from cuddling
Your husband may have just been appeasing you back in the day…… and now he’s over it. Or, he hasn’t been able to find a show that interests him.
I suggest two things: if you’re missing the cuddles, grab your favourite book, your headphones and a blanket and snuggle up while he’s watching the game. You can still feel close and loved while together, but partaking in different activities. Second, keep trying to find a show that you can both enjoy. Ask around, check Google, watch trailers and have fun.
Readers’ Commentaries Regarding the young mother (Sept. 30):
Reader #1 - “I love when she said, ‘my head wanted to abort but my heart wanted to keep the baby.’
“You were right to point out that this was a love letter to the women who pulled together for her and the baby. It was also a testimony to the father of the child as he ‘fell in love with his baby.’
“Sometimes, in early pregnancy, no one can see how this can possibly work out and a rush to judgement causes the mother to feel she is alone and has no choice. When our son and his girlfriend discovered they were expecting a baby in high school, they luckily got some good guidance, part of which was ‘you don’t have to know what you’re going to be doing in a year or even in six months; just get through each week, each month.’
“Our grandson is now a beautiful 30-year-old man. He may have been conceived unintentionally, but that little person is not a ‘mistake.’
“I wish this young woman’s mother, who had her when she was 16, could be kind to herself and see how she helped create a multi-generational family of love.”
Reader #2 – “Your reply to ‘Mothers’ put tears in my wife’s eyes and my own. You deal bravely with a lot of peoples’ issues; I am always impressed, even on those few occasions when I disagree with you.
“This is one of the more frequent occasions when I am in awe of your wisdom! Thank YOU for sharing and not waiting for Mother’s Day.”
Dear Lisi: My significant other is becoming less and less significant. What do I do?
Falling out of love
You’ve answered your own question. Without any other details than this one sentence, I can’t help you with specifics. But your sign off says it all – you’ve fallen out of love with your partner and therefore they have become less and less important to you.
The only right thing to do is to gently let them know that you feel it’s time to go your separate ways and break up.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Email questions to [email protected].
