Dear Lisi: My friends and I do a group yoga at our friend’s home twice a week. I wasn’t the last one to join, but I wasn’t part of the original group either. It’s been going on since COVID when they started doing the class on Zoom.
Last year, I broke my femur and was unable to participate for a long time. Even after the doctors suggested I could get back into it, the timing conflicted with a standing physio appointment that the hospital made for me. It’s been almost a year since I did yoga with my friends.
Last week, I reached out to everyone on our group chat and said that I’d like to return. One woman wrote back saying she was happy to hear I was on the mend but didn’t comment on the class. Another woman wrote back saying that she didn’t think there was room for me, but she’d check with the yoga instructor. The other six people refrained from commenting.
Shocked by this closed-door attitude, I wrote back jokingly asking if someone had taken my spot by the window. That same woman replied that the yoga instructor preferred working with the smaller group as it was. I don’t believe her.
What am I missing?
No Ohm
That does sound off. Before you take any next steps, ask yourself how badly you want to rejoin that class, especially with the cold shoulder you received from that one woman.
If you don’t care, reach out to the homeowner and the yoga instructor. If they are fine with you rejoining, then go right ahead. Just know that one woman won’t be happy. But that could just be her problem.
On the other hand, there are plenty of yoga classes all around this city and probably wherever you live, with instructors who are just as good — if not better — than the one with whom you practiced. Branch out. You may find a whole new group of friendlier people.
Dear Lisi: I am 88 years old and have two university degrees, one which I obtained in England where I grew up. I came to Canada in 1957.
Though already a decade post-World War II, I was, and still am, surprised at how Canadians generally have high expectations concerning everything. They seem to be willing to pay high prices for everything from designer clothes to gold necklaces. And so many people are covered in lots of body ink. ALL the girls I meet went to university, married well and are very content.
The boys I meet seem to have all gone to trade school and struggle with lots of separations.
I sit and watch and say nothing.
Is this the way it is today in Canada?
Wondering
I feel as though your experiences with Canadians in general are very limited. I am born and raised Canadian. I have a few female friends who never attended university; others who didn’t marry well; and sadly, many who are not very content. On the flip side, most of the men I know went to university and not trade school, and many are happily married.
To ask if this is the way it is in Canada is to pigeonhole every Canadian into your stereotype.
Sorry, but I think you need to widen your net. You may think that sounds crazy for an 88-year-old, but I don’t. If you have the energy, technological capabilities and interest to write me this letter, then you have the ability to meet new people, talk to new people, and learn that Canadians each have their own story.
FEEDBACK Regarding the teenage conversation (Sept. 10):
Reader #1 – “Your reader’s comment troubled me. Cap is a slang word meaning to lie or exaggerate. It is used by African American Vernacular English[a] (AAVE), a language spoken mostly by working class African Americans. There is a long history of social bias toward legal and educational oppression, and discounting by middle- and upper-class African Americans of AAVE. There are approximately 160 English dialects. What gives the commenter the right to decide which one is not to be used when patronizing fine dining establishments?”
Lisi – Sorry, but the word “cap” is used by many tweens and teens regardless of their skin colour or socio-economic background. Your research is incomplete.
Reader #2 – “While the English language is evolving faster than I would wish, I don’t understand the writer’s specific complaints. Is ‘cap’ a hat? Is it short for Captain? Have I missed some new slang?”
Lisi – See above. You’re correct in your definitions, but it also means “lying,” as in, “I call cap” – “I think you’re lying.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
