Dear Lisi: I have three teenage daughters, one who had physical health issues for years, which she has outgrown, and one with behavioural issues, which she has also outgrown. For years they begged us for a puppy, but we had our hands full and just couldn’t take it on.
Last fall, my husband and I caved, and agreed to get the girls a puppy on the premise that between the three of them, they would do a lot of the work. All three are in school all day, so we knew that the bulk of the day would fall on us. We both work shift work, so knew that for the most part, someone would be home with the puppy all the time.
The girls agreed and we took the plunge. No sooner did we get her, then one of the girls was asked to be on a competitive gymnastics team, which practices four weekday evenings and several hours both weekend days; and another daughter was asked to teach skating two afternoon/evenings during the week and one weekend day.
You can see where this is going…. None of the girls are caring for the pup. Help!
Pooped Puppy Parents
First of all, I hope you feel blessed and grateful that you have three healthy children, all with drive and ambition, and the means to have even brought a dog into your home. I don’t say that in a judgey way, we just all need to take a step back sometimes, look at our lives, and appreciate the positives.
Now let’s figure out how to make this work. It’s fabulous that your daughters are busy, so let’s look at their schedules first. For example, each girl can be tasked with getting up early one weekday morning to feed and walk the dog. If you each take a day, that’s the work week covered. The gymnast can be on afternoon/evening duty the one day a week she’s not at practice. The working one can take one of her free afternoons. And you, your husband and the third child can take the other weekday afternoons/evenings.
If you organize and schedule the care of your pup, in a house of five, the load is light. And perhaps on the weekends, you can all go on a big family walk with her, play with her together, and enjoy all the positives a puppy brings to a family.
Dear Lisi: About 10 years ago I worked for a woman who was extremely insincere and unkind. She kept me down and wouldn’t give me any responsibility. When she left, I took over her job, as I had been next in line for years. For whatever reason, she held it against me. I haven’t seen her since before COVID and we just bumped into each other. I have since left the position and just recently left the company. She STILL holds a grudge.
She’s not a friend but is in a social circle with some of my work friends. Now that it’s the summer, I fear we will see each other more. How can I deal with her nastiness in public when I know I’ve done nothing wrong?
Work worst
Just be yourself. If you are certain you have done nothing to upset/offend her, then go on with your life. If you see her out socially, be genuine and kind. If she’s rude, or pointedly unpleasant, you could call her out. You could take her aside and quietly ask what you’ve done to make her so outwardly annoyed with you. Or you could just call her out in front of whoever is there.
But be prepared for her response; it could be completely unfounded, but still hurtful.
FEEDBACK Regarding the reader who disliked your photo (June 4):
Reader 1 – “I feel saddened that our confrontational climate seems to be eroding our Canadian ‘niceness’. We are even losing hard-working honourable political members due to disrespectful dialogue, misogyny and death threats!
“Does just ignoring it work? Or is this a veiled call for attention due to their own failed relationship with their own mother? I don’t know what newspaper/forum they read but the single little headshot of you is pretty innocuous! What a sad life they must live if that’s how they get their jollies.”
Reader 2 – “If someone doesn’t want to read your column, because of a picture of you and your mother, I think that says a lot more about them, than you!
“I find it very strange myself, but each to their own; you can’t please all of the people, all of the time.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to [email protected].
