Dear Lisi: My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have two young children. She works very hard at her job, as I do at mine. During the school year, we are a great team, dividing and conquering to get the children to their schools and different programs throughout the week. Even our weekends are busy and full.
My parents offered to take our kids on a week’s holiday to see some family out west and my wife and I are enjoying the break. However, I am seeing a side of her that I don’t much care for and I’m not sure how to respond.
She has been sleeping in, almost until noon, lounging around eating everything in sight, and doing basically nothing all day. She stays up late on her phone, scrolling TikTok and Instagram, and then the whole cycle starts again.
I’m still working, though I’m on relaxed hours, and I thought she was also working this week. I’ve tried to talk to her about her schedule, but she brushes me off and just says she’s exhausted today, but tomorrow will be different. It’s been five days!
The kids are coming home in three days, and I’m worried my wife is going to forget how to be “normal.” I’m also not looking forward to the massive clean-up that will need to take place before they arrive.
What do I do?
Where’s my wife???
Your wife has gone on her own personal vacation, which could perhaps be called a strike. There’s nothing wrong with that, other than the fact that she didn’t let you in on her plan. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt here…. Perhaps she didn’t realize how exhausted she was and how much she needed her rest. Perhaps, though she relishes the decrease in hectic activity, she misses the pace of her usual life and wasn’t prepared for the drastic change emotionally.
I suggest, if possible, joining her on Staycation Island. Call in a vacation day yourself and stay in bed with her until noon. Get up and eat pancakes. Lie on the couch and scroll social media together. Watch a movie. Give her the love and support she needs.
But then wake up and get cleaning. Once you start, I hope she’ll join you. And I’m pretty certain that as soon as she sees her kids, she’ll jump right back into position.
FEEDBACK Regarding the dental plan for seniors (June 5):
Reader – “The letter writer stated that established dental practices are not intending to participate. I have been going to my dentist in Hagersville for many years and they are participating.
“I just returned from a visit to have my teeth cleaned and X-rays of all my teeth and it didn’t cost me anything. I have another appointment to have impressions taken so they can fix my partial plate which will be covered also. In November, the dental plan will cover having both my partial plates replaced as they are very old and very worn.
“Please do not lump all established dentists together. My dentist realizes that I would not be having this work done because the cost for me is prohibitive whereas now he can be paid, and I will be very happy and be able to smile again.
“Yes, it is a learning curve for dental practices, but they will soon learn to fill out the forms and make many of us seniors very happy.
“He/she should be asking his/her dentist why they should pay for services that are now supposed to be covered by the new Canadian Dental Plan. Maybe that dentist doesn’t realize that there are people a lot less fortunate than him.”
I love your page — you solve problems where not many people can.
Dear Lisi: I have a morning wake up time problem; for many months, I cough out thick yellowish pea-like mucus, and blow out liquid from my nose. My family doctor prescribed three kinds of medicine of no effect - two antibiotics and three bottles of a medicine that I can buy over the counter.
No other issues other than that. Any suggestions please!
Morning madness
Thank you for your comment and your belief in me, that I can solve problems. I try my best. But my advice is relationship based. I am not a doctor of any kind. Though I appreciate your discomfort, I strongly suggest you talk to your family doctor again, your pharmacist, and perhaps an ear, nose and throat specialist. I hope you get to the bottom of your morning issues and feel better quickly.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
