Dear Lisi: I have a wife, children, a home and a good career. I’m not an expert at anything other than what I do for a living, which I happen to love and be very good at. It’s a very specific field and my knowledge is extensive. Yes, in my years on this planet I have become good at other things, but I don’t puff out my chest and profess excellence in anything.
I say this because lately, wherever my wife and I go, whatever errand we must run, we are met with incompetence and stupidity. Just a strong lack in general common sense. It’s driving both of us crazy!
Here’s an example: last night we wanted to grab a quick pizza with one of our children while running back-to-school errands. We sat down and, due to some dietary restrictions, requested a particular pizza with a substitute. The waitress said she would ask if it was possible. She came back, told us that it wasn’t and started to walk away. My wife called her back, to which the waitress replied, “The chef said no. Why are you bothering me?”
Did she really think we weren’t going to order anything? We spoke with the manager, who at first also didn’t see the problem, and left.
How do these people do their jobs?
Flabbergasted
Not surprising, I have recently been in similar situations. My understanding is that, since COVID, it’s harder and harder for employers to find people who want to work. For many, their job is simply a way to pay rent, eat, pay for gas in their car, and not something they care about or take seriously. In such a case, it shows.
If you are married and running around with school-aged kids, you’re probably a good 10 years older than, for example, that waitress. And with age comes knowledge and experience. Put it to good use and help people see how they can do things better, instead of being frustrated by their mistakes.
Dear Lisi: I’ve recently graduated university and started a job in the same city. I decided to stay as opposed to going back home because there are more opportunities here in my field, and for young people to have second jobs. Two of my roommates from last year also graduated and moved out. The third, my close friend, still has more courses to do. Housing is hard to find, and our apartment is awesome, so we decided to look for two roommates.
A brother and sister, twins a year younger than us, came to look at the place. We got along well, discussed all the things like the shared common spaces, i.e., kitchen, bathroom, etc. My roommate and I have never lived with a male before, so we weren’t sure, but his sister was so sweet and assured us we had nothing to worry about.
The first two weeks were smooth, with everyone on their best behaviour, but he’s now taken to falling asleep on the couch with his hands down his pants and walking around the apartment in just his underwear.
How do we deal with this? We never discussed personal sleep space and/or a clothing rule because we didn’t think about it.
Almost Naked
It’s impossible to discuss every issue — in any relationship — because, as you say, things come up that you would never have thought of. Perfect example, making sure the one male roommate wears more than tightie whiteys around the common areas.
But now that it IS an issue, it’s time to bring it up as a group. Call a house meeting and discuss. He may have something he’d like to share too.
FEEDBACK Regarding the reply to Happily Married (June 10, 11; July 26):
Reader – “Thank you for publishing that well-thought reply insisting on separate bedrooms from the start. It boosted my self-confidence, which has been seriously flagging since a COVID-induced bedroom separation a year ago, which resulted in a more permanent placement. He’s getting a better night’s sleep; I still suffer restless leg syndrome and I’ve been feeling like I’ve failed Marriage 101 - after 48 years! So, Planned Cuddle Time 101 now on the syllabus! Thanks.”
FEEDBACK Regarding ready to retire (July 31):
Reader – “The writer should keep in mind that most mobile home parks aren’t located in urban areas. Like many rural seniors’ communities, it seems idyllic — until you can no longer drive. The writer is healthy and very mobile now, but that can change quickly in your 80s. Many seniors wind up completely isolated and dependent because there isn’t sufficient transportation in the area where they retired.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
