Dear Lisi: I work with a woman who is extremely quirky. She has lots of fun ideas but jumps from one to another as though she has raging ADHD. It’s very difficult to keep up with her thoughts.
And as soon as anyone shows interest in one of her ideas, she runs with it without asking permission or taking the proper steps. She steps on everyone’s toes, doesn’t seem to notice or care and carries on. And because her ideas are often so successful, no one stops her.
But it drives me crazy. I’m more thoughtful than that. I take my time, ask questions, ask permission, ask for people’s input and then I execute.
How do I manage working with this woman?
Stepped on
She may very well have raging ADHD, but she seems to have it under control, in her opinion. She gets her work done and people love her ideas. I guess that she doesn’t notice she’s stepping on people’s toes and wouldn’t know how to react even if she realized.
Since you seem to have more control over your thoughts and actions, and she doesn’t seem to be bothered by you, take control of your own feelings. Either let go and run alongside her, or switch departments.
Though she’s quirky, she gets the job done. That’s all your bosses care about. She’s not going to change. So, you must change how you react. That’s not easy, I understand, but you don’t really have a choice if you want to stay where you’re at.
Dear Lisi: Last week, a few couples went camping. Two of the couples are very touchy-feely toward each other and constantly show PDA. My girlfriend is a bit more shy and quiet and doesn’t like to be that affectionate in public. The fourth couple were very icy toward each other, and we all felt the tension between them.
I woke up in the middle of the night to use the washroom, and because it was such a clear night, I didn’t take a flashlight. I walked away from the tents to find a spot. Suddenly, I heard a low murmur and stopped, frightened at first by the sound. But then I saw through the trees the man of the icy couple having sex with one of the happy loving couple women.
I snuck to the other side of the campsite as quietly as possible, did my business and went back to my tent. I didn’t say anything the next day, trying to observe the dynamics. It was amazing to see the woman all over her boyfriend, as though she hadn’t just slept with his buddy.
Do I say something?
Sneaky Sex
No! Don’t say anything. It’s not your business. Tell your girlfriend so she knows what’s on your mind, but the truth is, you don’t know what the truth is.
It was dark, you were mid-sleep, and you don’t want to start making false accusations. Maybe it was a figment of your imagination. Maybe it was a one-off tryst in the trees. Maybe they’re having a full-on affair.
None of these couples are married. Keep it to yourself for now.
FEEDBACK regarding the therapist husband (July 11):
Reader — “She needs to be direct with him. If he still does not change, then it would be time for the therapist to see a therapist (couples).
“If he brushes that off, then it’ll be time to seek legal counsel. He would need to be made aware of the seriousness of the situation. The way she is feeling is telling me this is the inevitable path unless something changes.”
Reader’s Commentary regarding the pool party antics (July 8):
“I was shocked to read about the bad behaviour of those girls who had been invited to swim in a friend’s pool. My three granddaughters often host parties with friends, and I only ever hear how respectful they are to my son and daughter-in-law, cleaning up everything after the party.
“The oldest recently had 50 friends to her 18th. The parents went out for several hours to allow the kids to be kids and by the next morning the house was in pristine condition. They have never experienced anything like what this poor woman was left to deal with. It makes me wonder what those girls are allowed to get away with at home. I think it is very sad that their parents haven’t taught them the guidelines for being a good guest. I hope the letter writer will follow your friend’s example regarding the pool.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
