Dear Lisi: When I was 22, the summer before COVID, I went travelling with three other friends. We were doing the usual island hopping in Greece, Turkey, and the south of Spain, Portugal and France. While away, I met a girl and we spent two weeks together. She was travelling with a group of her friends, we met on the beach, and we all stayed together, travelling to a few different places together.
One of my friends and one of hers also hooked up and have stayed together ever since. In fact, they’re engaged to be married. The wedding is this coming September in the girls’ hometown, and I know that the girl I used to see will be there.
The truth is that I’ve never had feelings for anyone the way I have for her. I’ve been in a few relationships since we met, but nothing compares. I’m single now; I have no idea what her relationship status is.
Is it crazy to think she may feel the same way about me after all these years?
Hopeful Romantic
It’s not crazy, but it’s not realistic either. You’re talking about five years ago and a lot could have happened. You didn’t mention, but if I assume she was similar in age, her relationship status could be anywhere from single to married with children.
Have you not kept up any information on her at all? In any case, I don’t want you to get your hopes up – but I also don’t want to dash your dreams.
So, go to the wedding with an open and easy mind. If this woman is in attendance, walk right up and say hi. If she introduces you to her current partner, shake his hand, tell her it was lovely to see her, and walk away. If she’s alone, spend time with her catching up on the last five years and go from there. Good luck!
Dear Lisi: I get my car detailed at a business near the beach in Los Angeles. When I took my car in recently, I meant to move my spare change, for parking meters and laundry, out of the car but forgot.
When I got my car back, there were about eight dollars in quarters and dollar coins missing, but dimes, nickels, and pennies were left behind. I emailed the owner the next day.
The owner called me, apologized and refunded the full price of my car detail. I told him the full refund wasn’t necessary, that I just wanted to let him know what had happened. He took offence because I had used the word “steal” in my email. He said he wished me well and I asked if he was saying that he didn’t want to do business with me anymore.
Now I feel badly but I was just trying to alert him of a problem with his workers at his business. As the saying says: “no good deed goes unpunished.”
What do I do now, or what should have I done in this situation?
Suffering trying to help
In this case, I think you should just move on. There are plenty of places to get your car detailed in LA. I don’t think what you did was wrong, but you made an accusation by using the word “steal.” You can’t go back.
Lesson learned: remove anything of value from your car when leaving it for service of any kind.
FEEDBACK Regarding the not so cozy couple (June 10 and 11):
Reader #1 – “Like you suggested, separate beds. My husband and I did it years ago and it saved our marriage. The lack of sleep affected our health and made us resentful of each other. It didn’t affect our intimate time but it’s simply ‘your place or mine?’”
Reader #2 – “I would like to address ‘Happily Married’ and give my insights into mine and my wife’s 34 years of separate bedrooms.
“When my wife moved in with me, we both insisted on separate bedrooms having both grown comfortable to sleeping alone. What I find is that some people have a notion that there is something wrong with a marriage if not sharing the same bed. Certainly not the case with us. We are as intimate and loving as any normal couple, but both get a better night’s sleep apart. We never cared if our marriage was being judged and never shied from acknowledging our nightly separation. The ‘marriage bed’ has been the norm for generations but I think many marriages may not have benefitted from such. It doesn’t mean that one can’t climb into the other’s bed for an early morning cuddle or some evening TV.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
