Dear Lisi: It’s the summer and all my university friends are out having fun. Most are working day jobs at summer camps, or lifeguarding at pools around town, even doing gardening. And all of them are free at night to go out, party, chill with friends and be together.
I chose to do another course, which is almost over, but then I took an internship in my field of interest. I’m in an office from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day and I’m exhausted at night. I don’t have the energy to go out partying and besides, I need to get up and be alert the next morning.
But I feel like I’m missing out. None of my friends seem to understand and they keep bugging me to join them. Only a few understand why I’m not and that it’s upsetting.
How am I going to get through the summer?
Already burnt out
Talk to your closest friends and help them understand that you are by no means being a party pooper – that, on the contrary, you wish you could be with them. Together, plan a couple of fun weekend nights (Friday and Saturday) and weekend days. If a whole weekend seems too exhausting, choose one day to play and one to relax; same with the nights.
You could also book a long weekend, or even a week off. You did say it’s an internship, so it’s not a paid job, meaning hopefully they wouldn’t mind terribly if you took some time to yourself this summer.
Dear Lisi: I can’t get any work done in my office and I’m extremely frustrated. I work for a new start-up with lots of potential for growth and success. The man and woman who started the company are fun, fresh and have a remarkable friendship. The office is filled with good vibes and happiness.
However, it’s an open concept floor plan so everyone can brainstorm and feed off each other. That sounds great and innovative until it gets put into play. Every day, someone else gets to choose the playlist; sometimes the music is my taste, but sometimes, it’s just distracting, loud and annoying. There are squeals of laughter often heard from every different corner, which is positive but distracting. And the bosses are either wearing roller skates, on skateboards, or electric scooters, zipping all around.
I can’t focus or concentrate! What do I do?
Open concept; closed door
Yikes! That does sound a bit wild. I get it — sometimes I just need quiet in order to concentrate. Are there any rooms with closed doors, such as a boardroom, that you could use? Could you talk to your bosses about working from home so you could be more productive? Assuming you are getting your job done, it shouldn’t really matter to them where you work. I understand their desire for the group mentality, but it doesn’t work for everyone.
I say, talk to your bosses, see if you can work something out, but if not, maybe it’s time to look for employment elsewhere, in an environment more suitable for you.
FEEDBACK Regarding the girl with growing pains (May 29):
Reader – “If possible, shopping for pretty, well-fitted bras is a big help. I sponsored good bra shopping for one of my daughters until she was well into her first job.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the tired dad (May 30):
Reader – “Your suggestions were excellent. Perhaps also teaching her the good manners to ask others about their day and giving others the chance to speak and participate in conversation.
“I would just like to add that this type of non-stop verbal activity in children is frequently related to ADD or ADHD and perhaps testing by a professional to diagnose the situation would be appropriate.”
FEEDBACK Regarding parental wills (April 19; May 30):
Reader – “I have only one caveat about leaving all your wealth to charity on the grounds that your children have had ample help and are doing well: What looks well today can change.
“An adult child could be left quadriplegic following an accident; an unjustified serious criminal charge can wipe out wealth pretty quickly; a grandchild could be born with severe disabilities preventing at least one parent from working. These possible examples won’t matter to those with ‘fabulous’ wealth. But a child who was given, say, an education and the down payment on a modest house could be plunged into abject poverty by such events.
“Those on good terms with their children might therefore consider leaving, along with the sums to charity, an amount for some kind of family trust to provide a cushion in the event of a tragedy.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
