Dear Lisi: My boyfriend loves to party, as do I, but when he goes out, he really goes crazy. We always have lots of fun, usually going out in groups. But inevitably at some point in the evening, I’ll find him grinding up on some other guy, usually a close friend, but still. We have an amazing sex life, we’re totally hot for each other, and I love when he gets all sexy dancing with me. So why does he need to do it to other people?
It really upsets me.
Bad Boyfriend
I can’t tell you why your boyfriend acts the way he does, but I can tell you that he needs to know how you feel. So, talk to him. Tell him exactly what you told me — that you love when he gets sexy with you, and that you don’t love when he gets sexy with others. Most importantly, tell him that it upsets you. That’s the key right there.
If he ignores that point, then he’s not the guy for you. A partner should NOT go out of their way to upset their partner, no matter what the issue. I hope it works out.
Dear Lisi: My cousin went to Brazil to get some plastic surgery done. It was a long and complicated story that I never fully understood, but it was much less expensive to do it there, even including the airfare. We have other cousins who live there so she stayed with them while she recovered.
She extended her stay and travelled around the country. She met a guy and stayed even longer. It’s been just over a year, and she’s recently come home to be with her family as her sister is about to have a baby. We all went to the airport to pick her up and were literally stunned when she got off the plane.
She has the most enormous breasts I’ve ever seen in real life, and her lips are so big they look like they’re going to pop at any minute. My brother and I were pinching each other to stop from laughing out of shock.
I feel badly because the whole family is having the same reaction, and we’re all discussing it behind her back. But we love her! We just don’t understand how she could have done that to herself. What do we do?
Busting out
I’m all about acknowledging the elephant in the room. If you’re close with her, go out with her alone and be honest. I think she’ll appreciate that more than the snickering and behind-the-back chatter. Once you hear her story, hopefully you’ll stop staring and support her when she’s with the rest of the family. It sounds like she could use an ally or two.
I’m not a medical professional but perhaps your cousin would benefit from seeing a plastic surgeon in her home city, just to get a second opinion on the work already done.
Reader’s Commentary regarding the new dental plan (June 5):
“I’m sorry that there are dentists not participating in the Canadian Dental Care Plan. My 92-year-old father just had preventative dental care for the first time, and it was fully covered. Despite working hard his whole life, he never had dental insurance or the means to pay for cleanings.
“SunLife (the insurance provider) provides a search tool so that people can find participating dental practices in their neighbourhood. It’s important to ask if the procedures are fully covered or if there’s an extra fee.
“This is a new, national program, so there will be growing pains. But it’s exciting to know that dental care will be available to more Canadians, regardless of income.
“Dental care is health care!”
FEEDBACK Regarding the person who doesn’t want to read your column (June 4):
Reader 1 — “My response would be… Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Then, leave it alone. I wouldn’t even say thank you for writing or anything else.”
Reader 2 — “I would acknowledge this person’s response by simply stating, ‘Thank you for your input.”’ Then I would put the letter in the shredder.
“If this person chooses not to read your column based on your photo rather than the content, it is their loss. Your sound advice is what truly matters. The photo is secondary. As they say, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover.’”
Reader 3 — “It sounds as if this person is just miserable. From someone who is close to their mother and their daughter, I find it quite charming. There’s always someone willing to rain on anyone’s parade.
“I really enjoy your column, keep up the great work!”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnis based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
