Dear Lisi: My neighbour is a great guy, helpful and friendly. He has a few quirks – don’t we all? – and one of them is a fascination with turtles. Which is fine, I love turtles as well. It never mattered, until recently.
I was overseas for three weeks and when I returned my neighbour came racing over to tell me that while I was away, his grandkids had discovered a turtle in our front garden.
I was a bit surprised since I don’t live very close to water, and I’ve never seen a turtle on my property. But it was a cute story, and I was happy they got to see a turtle up close.
That should have been the end, but now my neighbour is constantly on my property, rooting around in the garden in search of the turtle. I’ve tried to explain that the chances of a turtle surviving for weeks away from water, in a neighbourhood populated by coyotes and foxes, are almost nil. But he can’t accept that, and he keeps stepping onto my lawn and digging around in my garden. I don’t want to call it trespassing, but it’s gone well past the stage of “annoying but harmless.”
How can I get him to back off without hurting his feelings?
Ready to snap
Neighbours…. they can really be a pain… but they can also be a lifeline, a friend, a comfort. Seeing as it’s nearing the end of October, it’s doubtful any turtle will be hanging around your garden. From my research, I discovered that Ontario turtles hibernate at the bottoms of ponds, lakes, or deep in the mud. Further research stated that unlike other cold-blooded animals, turtles don’t hibernate, but they do hang out at the bottom of muddy ponds, where their metabolism can slow right down, allowing them to survive without food for long periods of time.
I suggest doing one last turtle hunt with your neighbour - you could make it fun for him and his grandchildren by placing plastic turtles all around - and then make a big deal how your garden is now off-limits for the winter season.
If that doesn’t work, you may have to take a more serious approach. But there’s nothing wrong with a little fun now and then.
Dear Lisi: My bestie used to tell me all about her favourite egg-shaped vibrator. At the time, I was in a hot and heavy romance with a guy who was very sexually enthused. In other words, no vibrator necessary.
That relationship ended and I’m now in search of the ultimate egg. But my bestie has turned to religion and won’t discuss these things with me anymore (that’s another story….).
Can you help?
Searching for the Big O
A quick Google search brings up all sorts of vibrators, egg-shaped and otherwise. Look no further than Amazon for several choices, delivered right to your door. I can’t recommend one over the other.
I can however discuss that using a vibrator, for those who are shocked by this question in my column, can be a helpful tool in many relationships. For this woman in particular, she has found herself without a partner and missing the benefits of a good orgasm. I’m proud of her for taking matters into her own hands (pun intended?) and taking care of her own needs. That shows resourcefulness, independence and self-satisfaction. This woman’s relationship with herself is one of understanding, helpfulness, motivation and positivity.
Using vibrators within a two-person relationship can enhance your intimacy as a couple, not detract from it as many people surmise. Intimacy is about learning what makes each other tick, what gives each other pleasure, and that can be very different from one person to the next.
Don’t judge others until you’ve tried what they're suggesting.
FEEDBACK Regarding secrets and lies (Aug. 27):
Reader – “Telling her fellow about the ‘fling’ is the absolute worst thing to do. I doubt that partners who reveal their past adventures to their present spouses stay together much longer after that, because it’s none of their business. If she tells him, I’m sure he will not take this well. If she still loves him, as she claims and he still loves her, then let sleeping dogs lay.”
Reader 2 – “NO NO NO! Don’t tell him! He’s lying anyway. He had a fling as well and just doesn’t want to admit it. If you tell him, then he’ll hold that over your head and try to make you feel guilty.
“Bottom line, your relationship is doomed.”
Lisi – Wow! That’s not very positive or helpful. However, the letter writer has a right to know how others think.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
