Dear Lisi: My best friend is always getting hurt. He is 35 and in great physical shape, though he just put on some weight during his wife’s first pregnancy. He recently went on a run with a group of friends near their home in the country. He tripped over a root and broke his ankle.
Right before the baby was born, he went on a ski trip with some friends, fell into a tree well, and broke two ribs. And last fall, he was playing basketball with some friends after work, fell and broke his elbow.
I’m worried about him because that seems like a lot to me. I try to talk to him about it but he brushes me off. I’ve even approached his wife on the matter, but she thinks it serves him right for being so active.
Should I let this go and just watch as my friend continues to repeatedly hurt himself?
Broken Bones
I’m more concerned with his wife’s response than anything else. It serves him right for being so active? That makes no sense. If he was doing high-risk sports, such as bungee jumping or skydiving, then I could understand her response. But he’s running and playing basketball. Doesn’t she want her husband to be fit and healthy?
Aside from her response, I don’t think you should worry. He’s an adult capable of recognizing that he breaks easily. You could suggest he see a doctor, perhaps get a bone density test, and ask about osteoporosis. But it’s not your job or responsibility to follow up. I hope he appreciates how much you care.
Dear Lisi: My boyfriend and my best friend (also a guy) are acting really strange. My boyfriend has started to not join when my bestie and I have plans, though he always used to. And my best friend keeps trying every which way to get my boyfriend to join us.
And yes, I have asked each of them what’s going on, but I don’t feel that either is being honest with me. I love my boyfriend and I love my best friend. I don’t want to lose either one. What do I do?
Middleman
I can’t tell from your question what exactly is going on. A few years ago, I would have asked about gender, but now it doesn’t matter (it didn’t matter then either, but the world wasn’t as open-minded). So, this is a love triangle. Does your boyfriend have a crush on your bestie? Does your bestie have a crush on your boyfriend? Are they having a secret affair that your boyfriend wants to hide, but your bestie wants to flaunt?
You need to get to the bottom of this because you’re going to get hurt. If you feel safe doing so, have a group chat, in person, so you can see their facial expressions and feel the vibe. You could bring someone outside of this triangle along for support. Trust your gut. Stay strong. And keep me posted.
Dear Lisi: There is a bodega down the street from where I live. They sell everything from toilet paper to pop-tarts, fresh fruit to ant traps. I can tell you what people purchase there the most because they unwrap whatever it is and throw their garbage on my front lawn. I’ve spoken to the owners of the store about it — it’s not their fault — and they have put a garbage bin right outside their front door. They are so nice and feel badly. But it hasn’t stopped.
What can I do?
Neighbours’ garbage
Unfortunately, I am very familiar with this problem. You’re fortunate that the owners of the shop are understanding and helpful. Try putting a bin on the corner of your property and see if that helps.
READER COMMENTARY: Regarding dysfunctional families (May 16):
“As I’ve reached a senior citizen age, I realized that mine is not the only dysfunctional family. It helped in my later years to talk about it and know that our family is not alone.
“For example, we were not allowed to talk about it, when my brother was diagnosed as schizophrenic in 1974 at age 22. That sent our family on a different course.”
FEEDBACK: Regarding the husband who makes fun of his wife’s exercise (May 17):
Reader — “What needs to be addressed here is verbal abuse. Period. Her husband doesn’t need to understand what she does; he needs to understand that making fun of someone is verbal abuse. It is NOT OK.”
Lisi — Though I agree with you completely that verbal abuse is not OK, I don’t think it’s intentional. Still not excusable, but better chance at being rectified and understood.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
