It was a hot day, one in a series that made parents all over my neighbourhood pull out the sprinklers and wading pools. Eddie and I were in the front yard in the early evening, playing with the hose.
"Mama, shirt off!" Eddie demanded. "Diaper off! Eddie go nakie!"
In a flash, he was down to his birthday suit, running around the yard, screeching happily as he sprayed me with the hose. He eventually hopped on his balance bike, wearing only his helmet. Riders in Victoria's annual nude bike trek would be proud.
As I watched Eddie enjoy the cool breeze on his skin, I marvelled at his comfort with all that skin hanging out. As toddlers, most of us are so comfortable with the bodies we have, but we often grow to dislike or downright hate ourselves.
I struggle with this every day. I was a skinny kid who turned into a slim teenager. I was never very physically active and I ate whatever I wanted while staying thin. When I went to university, bad eating habits plus not much exercise made me balloon. It's been up and down ever since. When it's up, all I see is the fat, and I hate it.
Despite my own bodyimage issues, I'm trying to raise kids who are comfortable with their bodies and how they look. I know my own views about my body, my diet and my exercise habits can profoundly affect them, and most especially my daughter.
Research over the past 15 years has shown a correlation between a mother's diet, exercise habits and views about her own body and a daughter's risk of eating disorders, negative body image and perceptions of how fat or thin they are.
"Negative feedback from mothers about daughters' figures and eating patterns significantly increased daughters' difficulties in these areas," concludes a 2008 study from Western Oregon University, which studied 91 pairs of mothers and daughters. "Mothers who showed a greater internalization of media messages about thinness were most likely to have daughters with eating pathologies."
So while I'm bemoaning the fact that my belly is pooching out over my jeans, I may be wrecking Naomi's positive self-image. Great.
It's a dilemma. How do we make sure our kids know physical activity and healthy eating are essential to a long, healthy life, without making them worry about getting fat?
Luckily, my husband has a practical approach to helping the kids love themselves, and I've adopted it. He tells them how great their bodies are. He explains why children put on a bit of a tummy before a growth spurt. He points out their muscles and joints and explains how they work.
It seems to have worked. Naomi loves to run around in a bikini in the backyard, and is proud of her "growing belly." Eddie strips any chance he gets. Alex brags about his ability to run fast and climb trees.
As for Isaac, he came strolling into the kitchen a few months ago patting his abs.
"Look, Mom," he said proudly, "I have a sixpack!"
So I don't think there's any present danger to their self-esteem. In fact, I had to tell Naomi the other day not to tell her friends she was prettier than them (the vanity of a six-year-old knows no bounds). Still, I don't want any of my kids hating their bodies later in life.
Besides what we're already doing with them, I think the best thing I can do to protect the kids' selfimage is to work on mine. I'm trying to tame my own negative feelings about my body.
Three times a week, I stand in front of a huge mirror in a hot room, working my way through yoga postures and focusing on what my body can do, rather than on what I look like. And although my belly fat is on full display, it's one of the only times I truly love my body, and can see its strength and beauty.
I hope each of my children can feel like that all the time when they're no longer little.
