Last week, a mom wrote about her daughter’s princess fixation.
“My four-year-old daughter is exposed to a lot of different interests and sports and books and films, but her absolute passion is princesses and stories of romance. We don’t judge and let her express and experience what she likes. But despite presenting alternative princess-type stories focused on women’s strength and independence or female superhero stories, she gravitates to the old-fashioned prince rescues princess, they marry and everyone lives happily ever after. Any problem with that?”
Here’s what our parent educators had to say:
Your four-year-old is fortunate to have so many opportunities presented to her.
Four-year-olds love symbolic play and there is a special kind of play called compensatory play that means doing in make-believe what is forbidden in reality.
Let her enjoy herself — she has plenty of time to discover that the prince turns into a frog who drinks too much beer, watches too much TV and won’t pick up his socks!
In the meantime, put on your cape and show her a superhero in action. Now that will have an impact!
Allison Rees
LIFE Seminars Parenting Courses
Your daughter’s interest in happily-ever-after stories is natural. Don’t we all like to relax sometimes and lose ourselves in a story we know is impossible, but it ends well and we enjoy the suspension of reality?
These days, there are lots of great books and movies that support more realistic and positive female role models. The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munch is a great example of a book with a message you will likely support. It is a favourite, right along with others with more traditional endings. When I read fairy tales to my four- year-old granddaughters, I have been know to end the story with something like, “ … and the princess married the prince and then she went to university and got her doctorate in human geography before starting an environmental consulting company to save the world.” The girls so far have not realized that I add that little extra bit. I think I do it mostly for my own amusement rather than to teach a lesson.
In all seriousness, though, a little escape into the world of princesses, happy endings and romance is fine. Your daughter will continue to hear and learn that she can be anything as she grows up and that fairy tales are just that — make-believe. You will make sure of that. We all know the difference between fantasy and fact. Sometimes, it is just plain fun to indulge in fantasy.
Jean Bigelow
Parent consultant
Next question:
We have a five-year-old daughter who is very obstinate. We’ve tried various methods to get her to co-operate, but the only one that seems to stick is the threat to take away a privilege if she doesn’t do what we ask by the time we count to three.
Usually, we take away use of favourite toys, but sometimes, it’s a future activity, such as a planned sleepover. My question is, if you take sometime away, can you allow them to earn it back with good behaviour?
Do you have any advice for this parent? Are you struggling with a parenting dilemma? Send your input to [email protected]. Please put “the parent rap” in the subject line. Questions about kids from infants to teens welcome.
