Determining whether to spank a child isn't easy. It's a question many parents struggle with. Those who choose to do it don't take it lightly.
Karen Knight, mother of eight-year-old Eric, says she would never condone or use excessive force. But she has occasionally resorted to spanking as a means of discipline.
"I've never been happy about it, but I have done it," said the 45-year-old Victoria woman. She's certainly not alone, but it's a practice that remains controversial.
Spanking made headlines this month across Canada after the Canadian Medical Association Journal spoke out against it in a Sept. 4 editorial, calling for the removal of a special legal defence for physical discipline of children from the Criminal Code.
The CMAJ noted that 50 per cent of parents spank their toddlers, and many say "a good smack taught them right and wrong."
But the editorial said evidence demonstrates that physical punishment doesn't work, arguing for the change to the Criminal Code, which now allows parents to use force "if the force does not exceed what is reasonable."
"To have a specific code excusing parents is to suggest that assault by a parent is normal and accepted," the editorial said.
"It's time for Canada to remove this anachronistic excuse for poor parenting from the statute book."
Erica Woodin, assistant professor in the department of psychology at the University of Victoria, said the editorial reflects a growing recognition that violence is no longer acceptable for anyone. Schools are clamping down on bullying and husbands are no longer considered to have the right to strike their wives or beat their kids.
She noted, however, that many people - especially those from older generations - fear kids will end up "spoiled" without corporal punishment.
But Woodin said other countries, notably Sweden, have made spanking a cause for an assault charge, and statistics there have shown no increase in misbehaviour. Juvenile-delinquency rates have even decreased slightly.
At the same time, statistics in Sweden show a drop in injuries to children from parents whose discipline went too far.
Woodin said corporal punishment simply doesn't work as a disciplinary method. It might change behaviour in the short term, but it doesn't teach children acceptable behaviour for the future.
"What we are trying to do is teach our children to regulate their own behaviour, how to behave in a socially acceptable way," said Woodin, who argues spanking is also counterproductive, in that it teaches children to be more aggressive or even violent.
That aggression can be carried into their teens, dating relationships, marriages and later, their own families.
"If there is a lot of spanking, it's associated with a lot more behaviour problems over time," Woodin said.
"[Kids] tend to learn that it's OK to use aggression to get what they want."
As an alternative, she suggests using positive reinforcement, praising good behaviour rather than punishing bad.
Victoria social worker Cindy Knott, who heads the Vancouver Island Health Authority's Positive Parenting Program, agrees. "Instead of waiting until your child misbehaves, catch them when they are behaving well," said Knott. "Praise them when they are behaving positively."
Knott said parents should recognize they are setting examples that will likely be copied. When it comes to disciplining children, parents need to be consistent, predictable and fair, she said. Ground rules need to be established and adhered to. "Then kids know what is expected of them and we can have some discussion with them when they break the rules," said Knott.
As an alternative disciplinary method, however, timeouts have been overused, she said. Thirty seconds for each year of a child's life is a good rule of thumb and timeouts should never exceed five minutes. Any timeout should be preceded by "quiet time" spent in the room with the parent.
"A timeout is not meant to be a punishment," said Knott. "It's an opportunity for the child to calm down."
She also said parents need to learn to forgive their children - and themselves.
"Parents sometimes expect too much of themselves," said Knott.
"You are going to have times in your life when there is a stressful event."
Knott suggests booking time away from the kids and using it as an opportunity for self-examination. Parents might even consider anger-management instruction as they learn discipline without spanking.
"Parents need to find their own appropriate solutions," said Knott. "They are going to have to do some homework and they are going to have to work at it.
"But the end result is you are going to have happier kids and you are going to have a more positive relationship with your children."
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