There is an infamous scene in the movie Sideways where an erratic Miles Raymond (Paul Giamatti) throws a tantrum in a winery tasting room and chugs from a spit bucket. Anyone who has seen the film can never look at a spit bucket the same way again. (Do not attempt a YouTube search. You will be horrified by actual re-enactment.)
Traumatizing as such behaviour may be, most people behave at wineries. Bad manners are generally limited to those full of pretense or, conversely, prideful ignorance.
But what about tasting-room etiquette for everyone in between? What are the basic dos and don'ts of visiting a winery?
Perhaps it's worth reviewing a few points of etiquette before heading to wine country this summer:
PLAN AHEAD
Hours of operation vary from one winery to the next. Some are open seven days a week, while others are open by appointment only, or require reservations for large groups. If in doubt, call ahead.
DRESS ACCORDINGLY
Just about anything goes when it comes to dress code in B.C. Still, many wineries are sophisticated establishments and you will feel out of place if you show up looking like you just painted your house.
Also, don't wear white. It's a magnet for red wine.
OFFSPRING
Most wineries are family friendly and you are not going to be turned away if you have children in tow. Even so, there is not much for kids to do, so consider bringing along some toys, books and, my personal favourite, Nintendo DS, to keep the li'l brutes occupied.
And if your darling child starts caterwauling, please, for the love of God, dispense with the public parenting and take 'em outside!
DOG DAY AFTERNOON?
I love our two dogs, Stella and Otis. Stella is a lovely yellow lab who can be relied on to behave anywhere, anytime. Otis is a jerk/spaz-cross who can't be trusted for a second. Accordingly, Stella joins us on winery tours while Otis goes to doggy daycare.
As precious as Stella is, not all wineries welcome dogs, so consider keeping your hound at home. If you do bring your pup, be sure to clean up any droppings in the vineyard.
MAKE NO SCENTS
Avoid wearing cologne or perfume. Overpowering odours eclipse the subtle aromas and bouquet of wine. Likewise, avoid smoking or chewing gum. Both ravage your palate, and will make you persona non grata.
TECHNIQUE
Wine tasting is no big deal. Really.
While much is made of tasting, it is underpinned by some very basic principles.
First, look at the wine in the glass and check it for clarity and colour. For best results, hold your glass before a white background.
Next, swirl the wine gently in the glass and take a whiff for aroma and bouquet, respectively. (Generally speaking, aromas are smells unique to different grape varietals; bouquet refers to smells associated with fermentation, barrels and bottle ageing.)
When sipping wine, try to draw a bit of air in through your lips and move the wine around in your mouth to see what you experience. Specifically, look for flavour, acidity, and, in the case of reds, astringency.
A note of caution: forcefully slurping air for maximum effect is considered acceptable, but is still annoying. If you must slurp, be discreet.
TO SPIT, OR NOT TO SPIT
Tasting is not about getting hammered. For that reason, winery staff pour small samples. Even so, the cumulative effect can leave you feeling light-headed. Consumption also ruins your palate.
If tasting with a clear head and palate is your aim, or, more importantly, if you need to drive, opt for the spit bucket. It's there for a reason. (Cops in wine country are expert at spotting zealous wine tourists on the road.)
QUIZ WHIZ
Most wine makers want to share their passion with visitors so feel free to ask questions and don't worry about sounding like a rube. Winery staff hear just about everything and won't blink even if you ask something crazy.
At the same time, wine aficionados should refrain from trying to impress. If you really want to ask about canopy management and grape clones, just wait until after the tasting.
THIS ONE IS ... INTERESTING
If you don't like a wine sample, it's not necessary to say so. Just pour it into the spit bucket and move on to the next.
Keep in mind that tasting-room staff are often owners who pour their hearts and souls into their products. In keeping with that, treat each wine like a blind date and choose your words carefully.
That said, don't feel obliged to buy a bottle if you don't find a wine to your liking.
