Gabriel James Millington weighed barely half a pound at birth — he had but 19 weeks in his mother’s womb. He fought to live for a remarkable five hours and five minutes, then left a bottomless hole in the hearts of his Esquimalt parents.
“He was so beautiful, so small and almost transparent … clinging on with everything he had in him,” Jim Millington recalled. “We both had a chance to hold him and admire him and love him for five hours and five minutes.”
Jim and Ann-Marie Millington will join a fundraising walk today at 11:30 a.m., just before the official opening of Little Spirits Garden, a space for families to commemorate the loss of their children through very early death or miscarriage.
Money raised through the walk helps ensure a public memorial space at Royal Oak Burial Park and commemorative options for families at little to no cost, said spokeswoman Lyndsay McCray.
McCray, who has also miscarried a child, was asked by the Saanich Legacy Foundation to assist with fundraising in partnership with the Board of Cemetery Trustees of Greater Victoria. Thus far, $112,000 has been raised toward the goal of $297,000.
Options for families include tiny spirit houses, cedar memory flags and commemorative stones. An communal ossuary was also recently installed.
The Little Spirits Garden is called the only place of its kind for families in Canada, whether the grief is new — as for the Millingtons — or has been present for decades.
“It’s been a long time coming and a very sensitive project,” McCray said.
The grief of miscarriage or the death of young children still has a certain stigma and proves to be difficult for some people to discuss, let alone publicly grieve, she said — even though up to 25 per cent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss, affecting hundreds of local families every year.
Little Spirits Garden began three years ago through Royal Oak Burial Park staff, maternity social workers at Victoria General Hospital and the community. It was a social worker who first suggested it to the Millingtons, and they have found a sense of community among other grieving parents, Jim said.
The couple had tried to conceive for several years before Ann-Marie became pregnant in January 2012. She was due on her 35th birthday, but complications required birth to be induced. On April 27, 2012, staff at VGH braced the couple to expect only a couple of breaths from their baby, 20 minutes of life at the most. They treasure all 305 minutes they shared with Gabriel before he “just quietly went to sleep,” Jim said.
It was then the couple learned that Ann-Marie could not carry any other children to term without risking her life.
“We knew at that time that there was another plan for us,” Jim said.
For more information, go to saanichlegacy.ca/spirits.html.
kdedyna@timescolonist
