Dear Lisi: I read your column every day, and I really value your common sense approach to life’s challenges. I’m hoping you can help me.
I am 75, and still working. Though I’m almost exclusively working from home, I put in a solid day, five days a week. My boss loves me and I him. We’ve been together for 35 years, since he was a baby lawyer. We work together like a well-oiled machine. He has 10 years before he retires and has been very vocal that he wants me to keep working for him until that time.
I have lived in my house for 25 years, and I love it. When I divorced, I got the house, but had to refinance to pay off my ex, and there are still 10 years left on the mortgage. The house has a big garden where I spend most of my free time. It has all my “stuff”, and everything fits. My kids and grandkids think it’s a haven and are always in and out. I have a relative who rents a suite over my garage, and she’s very comfortable there. Her rent adds enough to pay utilities, taxes, etc.
I want to retire. I have found a place in a very nice 55-plus mobile home park that I could pay for outright if I sold my house. I wouldn’t have a mortgage and there would even be a bit left over for the occasional splurge. I would still have a garden, and room for all my things. It’s close to many of my extracurricular activities, and to medical care if need be.
I have had so much blowback from friends, family and work about this idea. My boss is downright suicidal with the idea of breaking in a new assistant. My tenant thinks she’ll be a bag lady on the street if she doesn’t have my suite to live in. And several of my friends say that it’s a step down from a really nice house with a big garden to a mobile home park with a teensy garden, and they might think twice before they visit me. The only people in my life who think it’s a good idea are my kids, because they see it would mean I’d have more time to do my own thing.
I need an outside opinion on this, Lisi. I don’t want to disappoint anybody, but do I have to chain myself to my desk until I’m 85?
Ready to Retire
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Full stop. You’ve paid your dues and, from a work perspective, you’re more than eligible to retire. Let’s break this up so it’s not so overwhelming.
I understand why your boss wants to keep you and not put in the time training someone new when he sees the finish line ahead. Perhaps you and he could compromise. For example, you continue to work full-time for a year while helping him find a replacement who you train. By the second year, you slow down to halftime, still keeping your finger on the pulse and available to put out any fires that may arise. By the third year, your down to very part-time, just to keep you earning an income, feeling relevant, and holding your boss’s hand.”
In that three-year period, your relative should be able to find new lodging, while still helping you pay off your home. You can also take your time paring down your “stuff.”
And your home should increase in value during that time, giving you even more money for your retirement.
The only issue left is your friends who say they won’t visit. Really? What kinds of friends are those? Don’t take their selfish remarks into consideration.
FEEDBACK Regarding the sad widow (June 13):
Reader – Your advice to the sad widow is not realistic. I am a middle-aged divorced woman. I have been on many dates with widowers. If the bereaved spouse is still very emotional over their late partner, to the point that they break down on the first date, they are NOT AT ALL ready for dating. The new person is not a grief therapist or a counsellor.
It is the widow’s responsibility to have enough therapy and enough time from her husband’s death to be able to get through a date with a happy attitude and a complete readiness to focus on the new person. This may take years to happen.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to [email protected].
