Dear Lisi: My husband is always too tired for sex. I’ve tried waking him up in the morning; waiting until he wakes up; grabbing him after work, but before bedtime; suggesting we go to bed early, etc., etc. But nothing and no time seems to be a “good” time. He’s always “too tired.”
What am I supposed to do? He’s given me no reason to believe there’s anything else going on. We have a good relationship otherwise, both happy in our work life, no issues with friends or family currently.
Do you have any suggestions for me?
Sex Deprived
There are many ways your husband could satisfy you and you him without having sex; and there are ways to keep the connection strong during this drought if non-sexual touch doesn’t work either.
First, you must address the elephant in the room. It’s important that you talk to your husband and get him to explain what he means when he says he’s too tired. Is he getting enough sleep? Is he getting restful, recharging sleep? Or does he perhaps have sleep issues that haven’t come to light, such as sleep apnoea?
Perhaps he has underlying stress that he’s not mentioning, anxiety, pain, other health issues that are also undetected. Once you’ve figured out the reason for his constant tiredness, then you can work on your sexual intimacy.
Dear Lisi: I can’t stand my sister’s new bestie. She never smiles, rarely speaks to me or our other sibling, and just gives us the creeps. I talked to my brother about it and he agrees. He knew her older brother in high school, and thought he was a nice guy. They even worked on some school projects together. But he agrees that this girl is odd.
What does my sister see in her?
Creepy Pal
Some people are just shy and insecure, and it can come across as rude or even mean. Give this girl a break. Ask your sister if you can join them one day for ice cream and see if she loosens up. If not, leave it. She’s your sister’s friend, not yours.
FEEDBACK Regarding the response to the nasty email (June 4):
Reader #1 – “I would respond with: ‘Warmest hugs, Lisi and Ellie’
“That’s it. Nothing you write will change this person’s mind, but it might give other readers a laugh. How sad that they took the time to write what they did?
“Always enjoy reading your column, whether it’s you or your mom responding. Thank you for doing what you do.”
Reader #2 – “Why would you respond to this reader at all. No need.”
Reader #3 – “I would respond with this: DON’T READ MY COLUMN! Please and thank you.”
Reader #4 – “The person who wrote the letter should be reminded of the adage – ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover.’
“You’ve probably chosen that photo because you often work as a team. Who would have an issue with that? Their refusal to look beyond the photo is a sad excuse for not wanting to read your column.
“Most daily columnist’s entry includes a photograph. Anne Landers used the same photograph for years! It’s an image not the message.
“Your column is insightful, informative and entertaining. I read it every day!”
Lisi – Thank you. The truth is, Ellie and I didn’t even choose that photo; the publication did.
Reader #5 – “I am a regular reader of your column. Although I am not always in agreement with your advice, my mind is open to other perspectives and opinions. Your insights are always appreciated and respectfully expressed.
“About the person who can’t read your column because of the picture with your mother is puzzling. Some people just aren’t living unless they are complaining about something. The best response here is no response.”
Reader #6 – “I am so sorry for rude readers. What they said in their email is ridiculous. I have never thought of people disrespecting you and other column writers like this. It is definitely not warranted. Immensely rude on their part.
“As you know we can’t please everyone and for them to act out like this is very disgusting. They obviously have had a bad miserable day and are taking it out on you.
“I appreciate everything you help everyone with in your column. Intelligent advice is what you give out. You have been respectful and thoughtful of your replies always. Whilst it must be hard to read, please try to disregard their garbage and move onto read someone’s email who appreciates you.
“Not everyone is like this, and I apologise on behalf of these morons in advance for any future garbage they send you.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
