Dear Lisi: I can’t sleep at night. I’ve tried everything: warm milk, reading, a hot bath, white noise, an eye patch, lavender scented oils, calming music, blackout shades, counting sheep, etc. Nothing helps me fall asleep, and if I do finally succumb, the slightest thing awakens me. Last night I woke up thanks to a fly that flew past me on its way to my window.
I’ve even tried sleeping in another room from my girlfriend. She doesn’t snore or make a lot of noise in her sleep, but even her breathing can wake me, or the slightest movement of her leg.
I’m exhausted and running out of ideas! Help!
Sleeping Beast
Are you under a lot of stress? Are you depressed? Are you anxious about something going on in your life right now? I ask because these are the three most common causes of insomnia, and if you can pinpoint one, you may be able to help yourself.
Have you tried yoga, meditation, massage and/or acupuncture? You mentioned a lot of sleep aids, but none of those. If none of my suggestions are helpful, then I think you should make an appointment with your family doctor, who may be able to prescribe some medication and/or point you in the direction of a sleep clinic in your city. Specialists there may be able to help you discover the reason behind your insomnia and why you don’t seem to fall into the deepest part of the sleep cycle.
Feeling exhausted and not being able to sleep is an awful feeling. Unfortunately, I have been through it myself. Mine was an easy fix; I hope yours is too.
Dear Lisi: My wife just turned 45 and has started becoming very forgetful. At first it was little things, like going to the store for milk and eggs and coming home empty-handed. But it’s gotten worse, and now she leaves the fridge door open, the kettle boiling and the water running in the sink.
Recently, our youngest son was left at hockey practice for an hour because she forgot to pick him up, but also forgot to take her phone with her when she left the house to walk the dog.
We’ve brought it to her attention, but we think she forgets we’ve told her. What do we do now?
Lost spouse
Your wife needs medical attention. Her forgetfulness is now at the level where she is (unintentionally) endangering herself and others. I’m not qualified to diagnose her, but it sounds as though this is more than just menopausal brain fog.
Get her checked out for everyone’s peace of mind.
FEEDBACK Regarding the outsider looking in (July 17):
Reader #1 – “Such a perfect response to this letter-writer. I recently overheard a young woman criticizing another woman who was picking up her husband at the airport. Apparently, the woman got out of her car, greeted her husband, gave him the car keys, and went to the passenger seat. According to the young woman who was telling this story, the husband was an ‘alpha male’ and the wife was a dish rag.
“The woman picking up her husband could have been me at various times in my life. Maybe I had just finished a tiring day of work, and he offered to drive. Maybe I had driven for 45 minutes in rush-hour traffic with a screaming baby in the back seat and I needed a break. Maybe I had an important phone call to make and needed to focus on that.
“Why aren’t we more supportive of each other? Why so judgmental?”
Reader #2 – “I take issue with your answer to Outside Looking In. I think it is right to make ethical and moral judgments about the way people behave, including how they spend their money.
“The reality is that some people are charitable, and some are selfish. It is disingenuous to pretend that we don’t assess someone’s character by how they behave.”
Reader #3 – “In years gone by, wealth used to mean social responsibility and public service.”
Lisi – I don’t disagree with you, but as you clearly state, that was years gone by. There are many levels of wealth. Owning a large home and not working doesn’t project you to the level of say, the Walton family of Walmart wealth, worth just under $300 billion.
It’s all relative. And I stand by my opinion that what other people do with their money is no one else’s business (unless harmful to others, obviously).
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
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