Dear Lisi: As a senior woman, I belong to several social groups where women get together for book clubs, volunteer organizations and other events. Often the subject circles around to grandchildren. Most discussions are positive and endearing as we all love the get-togethers with extended families and hearing about the accomplishments of growing families. If we see them.
We have all been loving moms and most have also held full or part-time jobs during child-rearing years. In other words, family has meant everything. That said, the conversations almost always turn to how preoccupied the children currently are with electronics and iPhones, and that communication among family members has dwindled to an all-time low. Rarely do we hear from, much less see, family members.
Seniors love hearing the voices of their grandchildren, and their children, too. Texting a few words is hardly enough interaction for most of us and is leading to loneliness and depression.
Also, during Christmas, birthdays and other gift giving occasions, there is a rallying cry from many of us that offering actual presents is met with terse “thanks” if any acknowledgements at all. Gone are thank-you notes. A lively discussion recently saw many of our lovely, warm and generous grandmothers vowing that they were considering cancelling the purchasing of gifts altogether as manners have faltered and children would “rather receive cash” these days.
Sad to say, but a comment recently stated that one’s funeral will be too late for professing love. How do we get the message across to our families that we need and want to be close with them?
Sad Elders
This is the seemingly sad truth out there these days. But I believe you can change things for your own family. Talk to your adult children and tell them how you feel. If they live close by, set up a standing date, for example, Sunday night dinners. If you are still capable, ask to have a standing date with your grandchildren, age appropriate. For example, pick one up from school every Thursday and take them to their activity, or plan your own activity even if that’s just helping them with homework, dinner and ice cream.
Turn gift-giving into an activity you can do together. If you’re up for it, take your grandchildren to the mall and shop together. Opening presents won’t be a surprise but should be well received. Thank-you notes are a thing of the past, unless it’s for a big event (weddings, for example) — don’t insist on something you won’t get. Instead, insist on something more heartfelt, like a hug and a face-to-face thank- you.
And if your people are long-distance, have a weekly phone date for a quick catch-up and just to hear their voices. Plan on visiting them once a year, if affordable, and try to vacation together.
Life gets busy, but when you schedule time, it happens.
Dear Lisi: My daughter is packing for a three-week summer program, where they will be painting and building, teaching English and getting some school credits. They gave us a suggested packing list, but my daughter is going rogue. She wants to take a hair dryer and a curling iron, and she has packed more makeup than I even own.
How do I get her to see that she’s being excessive?
Pack Rat
Most airlines have size and weight restrictions on their baggage allowance. Check the limits, let her pack her bag the way she wants, then measure it. If it’s overweight or oversize, insist she pare down. But if she chooses to take fewer socks and keep all her eyeliner, that’s on her. Once the bag is permissible size, let it go. It’s not your problem. As long as she has the essentials.
FEEDBACK Regarding the person who doesn’t like your photo (June 4):
Reader — “There’s nothing as precious as a parent-child relationship. ‘You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.’
“Regarding your direct question, I would not respond. I would delete and block all future contact from this email address.
“I have always had issues with such people. If you don’t like it, don’t read it, change the channel or just turn off the TV.
“You know I’m a regular reader and emailer. I don’t always agree with you. But it’s only your article or opinion that I may not agree with. It’s your right to express your views and opinions. Knowing this person’s attitude, would you really want him as a reader anyway?
“I suspect that most responders appreciate both your comments and opinions, whether or not they agree. Personally, when I view your photos, I am amazed at the family resemblances.”
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