Dear Lisi: My girlfriend just dumped me on our six-month anniversary, and I can’t believe it. My friends have told her she’s making a mistake, and apparently HER friends have told her the same thing. I’m just shocked.
We had gone out to dinner with a group of friends to celebrate someone’s birthday, and I had a special gift in my bag to give her later in the night. I was waiting for the right moment, thinking it would be at the bar we were going to after dinner.
As we walked out of the restaurant, she grabbed my hand and asked if we could walk separately to the bar. Naturally, I thought maybe she had a gift for me — perfect! Instead, she told me that she didn’t like the way I behaved around other women and wondered if that’s what I do when she’s there, what do I do when she’s NOT there. I had no idea what she was talking about, so she proceeded to mimic me chatting with these other women.
Well, to be clear, she didn’t like that I gave one woman a big hug and kiss…. The woman is my cousin! We’re very close and always have been. The other incident involved my laughing so hard with a woman that we were falling into each other. That woman is married to my best friend, and we dated as teenagers.
I mean, come on! Really? She left and went home, leaving me shocked.
Should I fight for this woman?
Anniversary upset
Oh my, your girlfriend has a very strong jealous streak. Should you fight for her? That’s up to you. Do you see a future with this woman? Can you see her ever getting over your close, loving relationships with these other women?
If the answer to the former is no, then don’t waste another minute. But if it’s a maybe or even a yes, and the answer to the latter is no, then you have your work cut out for you. As adults, we all enter into new relationships with history (and baggage). Too often friendships are destroyed because one partner isn’t happy with the friendship. It’s very unfair to the friends.
It happened to me with one of my closest male friends. His girlfriend-turned-wife did not want him to have anything to do with me. He chose her and I lost a good friend.
Dear Lisi: I’ve never admitted this to anyone, and I pray no one figures out who wrote this. My daughter lives to sing and I have always encouraged her. But the truth is…. she is an awful singer. She has terrible pitch, can’t hold a note, and never sings on key. She puts her whole heart into every song, and moves her body with energy and abandon, which just adds to the terrible quality of her singing.
I have watched and applauded from the audience for years, but don’t think I haven’t heard the snickers, muffled giggles and whispered comments. I have prayed, believed and paid for countless vocal coaches to help my daughter get better.
It hasn’t happened.
She’s just started at a new middle school, without the safety net of the kids she has grown up with all her life, who continue to encourage and support her in her singing. I’m so worried that this new group of kids is going to eat her alive at their first opportunity.
What do I do?
Singer’s Mom
I spoke to two child psychologists to hear their school of thought. Interestingly, one suggested heading your daughter off at the pass, while the other suggested you keep on supporting her dream, even if there didn’t seem to be a future in it. Two totally different approaches. I think I’d keep on supporting.
FEEDBACK Regarding bored and frustrated (Aug. 7):
Reader — “In my profession we have a slightly crasser saying: ‘Shit happens.’ That’s why contingency plans become important.
“Welcome to life.
“Years ago, my family drove down to the southern United States. We had the entire route all planned out. My wife was driving, and I was navigating. We were approaching Indianapolis on a Friday afternoon at rush hour and had planned an alternate route. As we got closer, we realized that route was closed. Time for Plan B.
“In 2001, I made a reservation to fly to Hong Kong for business 15 minutes before the first plane flew into the World Trade Centre. The airport was packed. But most people were too shocked to be upset. Everyone was simply glued to the TV screens. Inconvenience was offset by incredulity.”
Lisi – Always have a contingency plan and be willing to pivot.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
