Dear Lisi: My son just came home from camp with his eyebrow notched. He looks like he belongs in a gang. I Googled it and found out that it was popularized in the ‘90s by hip-hop artists. I also learned it’s a symbol of the LGBTQ+ community.
None of this is life-threatening, obviously, and whether he’s into hip-hop or wants to express his identity also doesn’t bother me.
What bothers me is that he’s NINE years old!!!! And he told me that one of his bunkmates brought the razor and did it to the whole cabin. THAT’S what bothers me!
What should I do?
Eyebrow Art
I was following your letter, impressed with your calmness and that you did your own research, until you mentioned your son’s age. Wow! I’m with you – that’s very young, on all accounts.
Talk to your son and ask him what he thought when his friend pulled out the razor, what he hoped would happen, and how he felt after he was notched. It’s just an eyebrow and it’ll grow back very quickly, so there aren’t any permanent or long-lasting effects from this “stunt.”
But I would then call the camp and speak to the director. In my opinion, that child should not have had a razor at camp and should not have used it on his friends without adult supervision, if at all. (NOTE: In my years of experience, I’ve seen that even if a nine-year-old has enough facial hair to warrant removal, most parents don’t allow it at that young age, and opt for other depilatory products.)
There’s nothing punishable here, just knowledge for the camp for the future.
Dear Lisi: One of my neighbours is smoking weed a couple of times a week, mostly at around 10-10:30 p.m. The problem is how pungent it is. It’s still summer, and my bedroom window is open to let in the cool air.
I have no moral issue with the smoking. It is legal after all, and not a big deal anymore. It’s just that I don’t want the smell in my house. I wish this person would smoke somewhere a little further away from my bedroom window. I would bet they have no idea it’s waking me up and that the scent lingers for so long, and that they’d be mortified if they knew.
I just don’t know who it is! Because of an irregular configuration of houses in my neighbourhood, it could be a person in one of six homes. I am on good terms with all of them and I don’t want to offend anyone. The idea of parading around the neighbourhood in my pyjamas in the dark to try to figure out who it is…and if I could, how would I deal with it…well, there has got to be a better way.
I would love to hear your ideas! Your advice is always kind and common sense.
Mystery Smoker
I love a good mystery! If you are on good terms with all these neighbours, then you have nothing to fear. Try this: seek them each out in a casual, friendly way during the day and share with them your “story.” That is, how you haven’t been sleeping because the smell of pot keeps waking you up in the night. You could make a joke of it, like, “I don’t mind, I just wish I had been invited,” or “I wish I knew so I could close my windows and turn on the air conditioning.”
Hopefully, the culprit will say something like, “Oh, that’s me! I had no idea I was waking you up. Sorry! I’ll move further away.” Or the person will make a mental note and just move without “confessing.”
I can’t imagine anyone will be upset or annoyed with you.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the teenager with an earring (July 8):
“I had many discussions with our teenage son about his desire for a stud in his ear lobe. He knew my feelings: ‘As long as you are living at home, I do not want to see a piercing.’
“One day, returning from a track meet, I picked him up at the airport and quickly noticed a stud in his ear. Biting my tongue, I didn’t say anything!
“Months later, I noticed the stud was gone. ‘So, what happened to the stud?’ I asked.
“‘Dad, for six months you haven’t said anything about it!”
“’You knew my thoughts about an earring; there was nothing to say,’ I calmly replied with a smile.
“I had to take it out to play basketball last night but after the game, I couldn’t find it in the locker room,” he replied.
“He never replaced it.”
Redeemed Dad
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
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