It often happens for the first time when we’re children, starting our first year at school. At recess, another child suggests you both play a game together, sit together at lunch, wait together for your parents to arrive at the end of the day.
These can become photographic moments which you remember for a long time, and for good reasons: Those special, unexpected and early first meetups can develop into making what are known as “forever friends.”
They’re the most special friendships to come into your life. These are the friends who’ll respect your personal boundaries, or distance out of necessity, without ever losing their love for you. You can rely on them, trusting that they’ll always offer good, sound advice and never gossip about you. Though they’re not perfect, they are accountable and will hold you to the same standard regarding the friendship you share.
They treat you the same as any of their other lifetime friends, regardless of when you came into their lives. And they’re just a phone call or text message away whenever they’re aware that you need them, even if they hadn’t heard from you in a while.
That type of consistently committed forever friend is sometimes hard to find. By contrast, the person who engages with you the most on social media is not always your lifetime friend or even a true friend. He or she is only a follower of current chatter.
I’ve had quite a few strong and real friendships that lasted only for the duration in which we were either in school or working together. Yet we never argued or fell out from those connections; they were simply “seasonal” friendships. In any of your relationships, if you sense any hints of jealousy, envy, hate or discord, reach out openly to that person, whether by phone or a meetup, and especially if you somehow doubt that the tone of your message will be received properly.
There’s just a difference between “forever friendships,” and “seasonal” friendships ± the former has no expiration date.
I feel very lucky in my own life to have a handful of “forever friends.” Two didn’t enter my life until I was a young adult of 20, when I was approaching a serious relationship, and stayed with me through our years as new brides, learning the ways into a fully grown-up world, with serious responsibilities regarding further education, demanding jobs, child-care needs, plus relationships that didn’t always work out. We connected with each other from day one and haven’t lost contact since. We’re still equally committed to continuing these trusted friendships, no matter what occasionally interrupts our conversations.
I’ve never had to wonder if these special people were still my loyal friends. If a lengthy time would pass, due to our separate jobs and busy lives, and we hadn’t spoken in a while, one of us would inevitably reach out.
That same joy, laughter and cheer always sparked into our every conversation. We’d talk about how much we love and miss each other, always without expressing any resentment of being too busy at the time, with family or work.
Years later, with the great good luck of having met many remarkable people, including workmates, mentors and a few bosses who trusted me in a field totally new to me, I can never thank my “still-forever friends” enough.
These early and positive friendships give us the self-confidence and self-esteem to meet new friends as we age and mature; and these new friends create new opportunities for learning about different aspects of life that can expand your future interests and knowledge.
For example, when I was younger and my focus was on child-rearing and my career, my interests were tied to that time in my life, and what my friends at that time were also interested in. Though I enjoyed the theatre, it wasn’t something I attended often (enough). Through my newer friends, who’ve shared with me their own broad range of interests, I’ve learned to appreciate the varied arts available to us all. They’ve encouraged me to attend local theatre productions in our own neighbourhoods and to attend classic operas.
Friendships, the forever friends from childhood, the seasonal friendships from work or through your children, and the recent friendships of maturing years, can ALL be a major bonus in our lives, which is why staying connected, when possible, is an important link with one another — to our sense of security, our basic well-being, plus a hopeful vision of our current and future connections with the people we know we trust and enjoy the most.
Ellie Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto.
